I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
