i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
