oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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