Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
