remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
