i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
