I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
