If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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