Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
