I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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