That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
