No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
