Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
