I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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