The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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