so explain again why im purple
no
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
