Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
