i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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