I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
