I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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