Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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