Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
