I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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