Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
