After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
