We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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