We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
