Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
