We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
