one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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