Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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