this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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