There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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