so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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