Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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