why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
