i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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