Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
