Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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