I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
