Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
