It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i came on her dog
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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