I should be sponsored by Trojan
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
