You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
