I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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