I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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