I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
