I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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