if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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