I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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