I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
