Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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