i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
