im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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