he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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