I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
