He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
