My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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