shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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