I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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