Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
