doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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