Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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