True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
