Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
