I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine