i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings