I want to have your abortion
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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