you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
