Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  okay pat passed out under dana's car

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  (719): okay pat passed out under dana's car http://tfl.nu/6rx3
  Replies (3) Good night (809) Bad night (527)
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  (925): View more from California

  never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

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  (925): never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont. http://tfl.nu/mow4
  Replies (52) Good night (607) Bad night (4080)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?

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  (740): how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian? http://tfl.nu/pz5v
  Replies (94) Good night (4506) Bad night (1359)
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  (650): View more from California

  Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...

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  (650): Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day... http://tfl.nu/p3lj
  Replies (51) Good night (6567) Bad night (1045)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar

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  (412): I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar http://tfl.nu/dooq
  Replies (28) Good night (4690) Bad night (968)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

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  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (6287) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well

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  (318): Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well http://tfl.nu/57uf
  Replies (8) Good night (782) Bad night (2814)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show

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  (480): You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show http://tfl.nu/lsuc
  Replies (5) Good night (2579) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED

  (+04): View more from

  Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.

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  (314): CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED (+04): Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you. http://tfl.nu/xp3j
  Replies (9) Good night (2494) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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  (779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p
  Replies (8) Good night (1105) Bad night (721)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.

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  (252): A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place. http://tfl.nu/7ilw
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (349)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.

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  (630): I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive. http://tfl.nu/thwy
  Replies (13) Good night (835) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.

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  (515): I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life. http://tfl.nu/bwnh
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.

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  (917): Using Michelob Ultra as champagne. http://tfl.nu/k4qo
  Replies (4) Good night (389) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.

  (254): View more from Texas

  That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka

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  (512): Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art. (254): That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka http://tfl.nu/nocy
  Replies (0) Good night (460) Bad night (301)

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