Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day