she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a search helicopter?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!