he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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