Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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