not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
