After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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