her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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