They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
